Fezzik In Paris

Two Americans, three cats, and too many places named "de Gaulle"

Tucked into the block adjacent to Les Archives nationales, Le musée de la Chasse et de la Nature may be the single strangest museum we’ve yet ventured into. Recommended by a book that we picked up on a lark (Naughty Paris, for values of naughty as defined by pearl-clutching midwesterners), I became a firmer advocate of going after seeing an featuring a Walton Ford work in one of the papers; I had no clue who Walton Ford was (as it turns out, he’s darkly hilarious and the both of us like his art), but, well, the picture caught my eye.

The museum itself is, as the name implies, dedicated to hunting. What’s strange however, is that it lacks the guns-and-hicks-and-pickup-trucks-and-booze that one would expect of a hunting museum were it located in the States. It’s not really hunting as the sole domain of landed patricians either, though it does lean more toward that direction, at least in terms of art (and the small amount of weaponry that was on display; those were certainly gentlemen’s arms). Instead, I’d argue that it’s hunting as seen from the standpoint of a Darwinian or (heavily Europeanized) Teddy Roosevelt; yes, one is shooting an animal, but you’re stuffing it and studying it and cataloguing it as well.

As someone who would quickly turn vegetarian if he had to kill and clean what he ate, it was all very strange, particularly when I realized that I wasn’t repulsed by the stuffed animals as it seemed that they’d been thoroughly studied and meticulously catalogued.

I don’t know if this is internally consistent or simply naively utilitarian.

Have some pictures from our visit.

Earlier this week, the Purrito came up to La Défense to eat lunch with me (and go to Auchan and Cultura and…).

We ended up sharing some of her bread with the local pigeons…

…and watching as they all exited stage right after a juvenile hawk perched on the ledge of a nearby roof.

he could use a pimp cane, though

Big pimpin’ here even has a fashionable leg band.

…your destination is always uphill.


Rome is madness.

From elbowing our way through Fiumicino airport unable to find our driver to the white-knuckle ride to the hotel, from looking down the street and seeing the looming colosseum to winding our way through the crowds at the base of the colosseum, from being assailed as we were exiting the cab in St Peter’s square to having a street vendor hawking a rose tell the Purrito “I love you” after she declined said rose twice, Rome was madness.

While I thought that we were accustomed to dealing with crowds and tourists and crowds of tourists, I’m still surprised by the number of people that were nearly everywhere we went (notable exceptions: random neighborhood basilicas and the Ponte Rotto), despite the fact that we went at the tail end of the nominal tourist season. While the gypsies and street hawkers are occasionally annoying in Paris (if you’re dumb enough to hang out under the Tour Eiffel or make an above-ground, frontal-approach to the Louvre), the number of assholes toting around roses, thrusting selfie sticks in your face, waving tissue-thin “scarves,” selling imported Chinese-made trash, pushily offering skip-the-line-tours, or hanging around in ill-fitting gladiator costumes (yeah bro, I want to pay 5€ so I can take a picture with your chain-smoking, beer-bellied, ridiculously-costumed self) was astounding.

All of that aside, Rome was impressive, though there’s a melancholic thread that runs through the ruins; I found myself wondering what things would have looked like had the medieval fervor for defiling the temples and relics of the past to please the god of the present (to be fair, the gods of the Roman pantheon were more human, more interesting, and perhaps most threateningly, more intimidating) not existed.

In any case, I’ve made it this far without referencing Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood, so on to the pictures.

This post should be about our trip to Rome, but it is not; with some 500 photographs to sort through (and knowing that I’ll post between 5 and 10% of them) and process, I’m nowhere near ready to post.

I should hit Publish and then delve into lightroom for the next couple of hours, but that’s probably not going to happen; I’m going to take advantage of my Dayquil-induced fugue (is this bronchitis? let’s call it bronchitis), put on some Explosions in the Sky (not an obvious choice as an opener for NIN, but definitely a good cold-medicine listen) and attempt to run around in Heroes of the Storm.

Or fall asleep. Whichever.

Apropos of jack shit, here's a picture of La Défense; they're starting to assemble the Christmas village that will inhabit the parvis through the end of December.

Apropos of jack-fucking-shit, here’s a picture of La Défense; they’re starting to assemble the Christmas village that will inhabit the parvis through the end of December.

While reading a post on the Expatriates in Paris Facebook group a couple of months ago, I engaged in a fit of poor judgement; seeing a banner ad proclaiming that Oktoberfest was, finally, coming to Paris, I clicked, noticed that tickets seemed to be rapidly selling out, said “what the hell,” and paid for two seats near the stage. I then texted the Purrito with “by the way, we’re going to Oktoberfest in October” and that was the end of the story, at least at that point in time.

When Saturday rolled around, the outlook on this particular plan became less certain; not only was the venue not what I had originally thought it to be (I had thought it was at the ever-familiar Porte-de-Versailles, whereas it was actually at the Paris Event Center, the new venue was out in the 19th arrondissement, otherwise known as one of the zones urbaines sensibles, or shithole-where-cars-may-or-may-not-be-periodically-burnt).

And we’d be going at night, presumably drinking, and then coming back.

Our journey out to Porte de la Villete was mercifully uneventful, with the exception of a too-full métro and the weirdly clingy couple that we thought might have just been strange or drunk until they both cooed as the woman flashed the heroin cooking kit that was lurking in her bag.

We found ourselves among small groups of frat-looking types sporting lederhosen and the alpine hats (the name escapes me at the moment), and we were more than a little surprised when we actually walked around the convention center and to an admittedly very large (if a bit sad-looking) tent that was to be the place of revelry.

The beer was good (Paulaner Oktoberfest, which apparently tastes even better when it hasn’t been thrown in a container, sent across the ocean, stuck in a warehouse, and then put on trucks for delivery to one’s local grocer), the pretzels were a) huge and b) strangely tasty (it was a pretzel: since when do those taste so damn good?), but the music was LOUD (one expects an oompah band, but not a fully miced ten-piece kinda-rock-band) and we were less sure about the rest of the food (meat, potatoes, beer, repeat), so we quaffed our brews, laughed at the overly emotional reaction to a badly-sung version of Que sera, sera, and then hoofed it the hell back to our ‘hood, where Asian food and a cheap-but-really-good (thanks, guy at Nicolas that I loathe talking to) bottle of champagne were procured.

And that, kids, is why Saturdays are reserved for large meals and booze at home.

After taking a two-weekend break to allow for the Purrito’s pre-Houston packing and post-Houston decompression, we re-entered the world of Saturday activities with a trip to the grand palais, where the fall exhibits are finally up and running.

The first exhibit was entitled Picassomania, and was supposed to be about Picasso’s influence on his contemporaries and successors, replete with examples of art that would show his far-ranging influence. The actual exhibit, however, was an incredibly boring slog through a seemingly-endless number of rooms that were filled with remixes and homages, none of which surpassed or even approached the (absent: a poster-sized reproduction of the piece being referenced would have been useful) original work (this coming from someone who doesn’t even like most of the guy’s oeuvre; it’s the residual disappointment, perhaps, that my teenaged self experienced upon discovering that the closest thing to a breast in the alluringly-titled Nude Figure was an ugly brown polygon. As I recall, the textbook in question had photos of Greek and Roman marbles, and (woo) Botticelli’s Birth of Venus so not all was lost).

Our penance complete (I’m now wondering if there’s such thing as pre-penance. I know about indulgences (thanks, butter tower of the cathédrale notre-dame de Rouen), but that involves money; if you scourge yourself beforehand and then smack the priest, is that still an indulgence? There has to be some theological construct (and a term for said construct) which allows this sort of behavior…), we headed, without buying so much as a magnet or an affiche de l’exposition (a grave insult), to the much more interesting exhibition on Élisabeth Vigée Le Brun. At one point the official portraitist of Marie-Antoinette, Vigée saw trouble brewing and high-tailed it out of France before the revolution devolved into a bloodbath. While she’d eventually return during the reign of Napoléon, she spent the intervening years hopping amongst the various European courts, painting lovely portraits of questionably-attractive people (portraits: the original airbrushing). The exhibit was apparently the first major exhibition devoted entirely to her work (which probably has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that the operative pronoun is “her”. Cough, cough.)

A poster and a magnet were purchased.

Note to self: the Purrito’s (who is back in the states for a few days) use of the term lemon butter sauce does not and should not imply that adding lemon juice and butter to cooked pasta will result in the production of a dish with a similar flavor.

Further, the answer to what was thought to be the rhetorical question “She calls it lemon butter sauce. I don’t need to google a recipe; I’m an otherwise intelligent adult, right?” is a resounding “No.

These are from our brief excursion to the Champs-Élysées for last Sunday’s Paris sans voiture  (yes, I am behind on the blogging). There were far more people than either of us had thought, but I was still amused at imagining the meltdowns that would occur if something of this nature was done in Houston.

Because fuck cars, that’s why.

I’ve had a partially-composed post about last week floating around in my head for the past several days, but have not had the will to sit down and cough it up.

Now that I’m sitting here, listening to Aurora snore in the window, I’m at a loss to recall its contents.

I know it was a musing on all of the paintings of nude women that we’ve seen lately (we went to Splendeurs et misères. Images de la prostitution, 1850-1910 at Musée d’Orsay last Thursday, and then to Fragonard amoureux: gallant et libertine at Musée du Luxembourg on Saturday), but I’m suddenly at a loss for the words I was going to put to paper screen.

Fezzik has just started to snore.

I give up.

We are stupid.

As proof of said stupidity, I present a photographic record or our trip to the catacombs on what turned out to be a very rainy Friday (last Friday, for the record; I’ve been sick and busy).

Doubting our decision not to go to Greece, at approximately mid-day Thursday, we decided that since I was going to be home on Friday, we’d pre-book tickets for the catacombs via the internet (something which is absolutely, unequivocally necessary, unless one enjoys standing in line for upwards of two hours) and head out, because, hey, maybe neither of us were feeling that bad (the Purrito had the start of what we assume to be my cold at this point).

Yeah. We made it to the entrance, we made it through the 1.5km of tunnels that lead to the catacombs, we made it through the catacombs and even through the wet tunnel towards the exit. We faltered somewhat at the steep spiral staircase leading back to the surface (85 or 90-odd steps up, if memory serves), dragged ourselves across the street to the officially-unaffiliated-but-very-well-located comptoir des catacombes junk shop across the street (I’m always in need of more handkerchiefs, and this one has skulls), hiked back to the métro stop from whence we came (one gets dumped out a fair distance away from where one enters), and poured ourselves into the métro home.

While les catacombes were something that both of us wanted to see, I don’t think either of us know if we actually liked them or not; yes, they’re massive swathes of bones located in old limestone quarry tunnels, with surprisingly theatrical (and often tasteless) plaques about The Dead scattered here and there, but there feels like there’s something “off” about the experience, like something is amiss. The experience is hollow somehow, and I’m at a loss as to explain why. I’ve actually found the messy history of left-bank limestone quarrying much more interesting, though I’ll admit as well to being interested in the somewhat ghoulish history of the cimetière des innocents and the confluence of events that led to the mines being adapted for use as a mass burial site (hey, we’re seeing alarming subsidence due to old, and in many cases, unmapped and illegal limestone mines. We should figure out where those things are. Now that we know where they are, we do have an awful lot of cemeteries with an awful lot of bodies, and oops, that one in the middle of town directly adjacent to the market just collapsed into the basement of one of the buildings next to it…)

In any case, now we know.